My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
