i can't believe i had my finger in that
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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