I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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