i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
