we're blogging at a bar
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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