coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
17 year olds will be the death of me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
