Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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