I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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