I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
