Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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