so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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