so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
