The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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