Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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