I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
