More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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