So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
