i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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