The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
