Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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