2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
