I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
