She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I look better un-naked...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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