One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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