I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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