Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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