Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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