It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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