Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
