I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
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