Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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