I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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