come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
