Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
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