i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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