Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
