The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
