the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
