My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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