If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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