I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
