capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
