I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
