I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
