I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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