NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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