I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
