is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
