phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
