I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
