Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
