:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
