he shaved USA in his pubs
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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