I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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