she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
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i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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