Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
