I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
