I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
