Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
