all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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