I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
