My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
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do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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