take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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