Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
