no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You know, be my cock's hype man.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
