So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
