You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize