What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
