we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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