U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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