I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
