The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
